Chinese Dating: Common Threads in the Community
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Author: Sherwood R. Robins
There are no hard and fast rules for chinese
dating . As with any other culture, dating within the Chinese
community is, and should be, about getting to know a person,
learning about what makes them a special and unique, and
developing a meaningful relationship.
While not everyone from China shares the same beliefs, there
are still common threads that run throughout the fabric of the
community, particularly regarding attitudes about dating. The
traditions of honor and respect are the cornerstone of the
Chinese culture. As such, they figure prominently within every
aspect of life including the dating arena.
Chinese culture is very family-oriented. Therefore a person's
family plays a very significant role in his or her dating life.
Unlike the individualistic dating culture of the West, a Chinese
family expects to observe and give input throughout the dating
process. They also expect that their thoughts and opinions will
be respected and acted upon.
Parents may prefer that their child date someone who is
already acquainted with the family and whose family or background
is well known. They may, specifically, want their daughters to
marry older, more established men who have financial stability
and who can provide a more stable home environment.
In traditional Chinese culture, going against one's family's
wishes is extremely difficult and, therefore, rarely done. Even
someone who is an independent thinker in every other aspect of
his or her life may still defer to parental wishes when it comes
to whom to date or marry. This is because it is often viewed that
dating or marrying the wrong person could bring disgrace or
reflect poorly upon the family as a whole. Honoring the wishes of
one's parents is respectful.
While particular values feature prominently in Chinese
culture, what matters to each person will be different depending
on how deep an individual's cultural roots go and what their
personal beliefs are.
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